Although we are only 1 baby in and 5 years deep of marriage, I still feel us reaching a “roommate” phase in our relationship at times. I define this as getting too “routine”, trying to cram our busy to-do lists in each day that we forget to do the little things that make us stop and think, “wow, I love my spouse.” Now I can’t say I don’t love plans and routines in my life, that’s how I function. But as much as I know a good salad is good for me, there’s only so many weeks you can eat salad for lunch you know? Sometimes I want the steak au poivre with a side of Gorgonzola gnocchi and that’s what some of these tips will hopefully bring you… that juicy steak and creamy pasta taste in your relationship.
12 Ways To Freshen Up Your Marriage After Baby(ies)
1. GO OUT WITH FRIENDS
Matthew is different when he’s not dad-Matthew or husband-Matthew. You get to see him in a whole other light that you don’t see often and it’s refreshing and it honestly reminds me of when we were just courting each other (do people still say courting?)
2. SWITCH UP CHORES
Matthew started cleaning all the bathrooms (which I absolutely hate doing) and so I started helping with the other little things like taking out the trash and feeding the dog, or organizing his drawers. It was a nice swap to make us feel more like a team unit.
3. BOOK A REGULAR DATE NIGHT/ QUARTERLY STAYCATION
You’ve probably seen us every once in awhile book a hotel in Miami or Orlando to do a staycation where we spend no more than $250 for the weekend. To us, it’s worth it to save up that money we’d spend on weekly or monthly date nights and get away where we can sleep in, eat whatever, venture out or stay in bed. We get a minimum of two full days of just each other and it’s bliss! Sure way to freshen up your marriage in a weekend.
4. SOMETHING NEW
We’ve been talking about this for awhile, taking dance lessons or some couple cooking classes. Even something small like going to the park and playing basketball together (which we both suck at… but it’s fun).
5. HAVE SEX EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT TO – STUDIES SHOW IT HELPS
I used to think this was crazy talk, who doesn’t want to have sex? But then we had a baby and now we mostly fantasize about sleep. Studies show it helps your relationship by having sex once a week, read here.
6. KISS THEM “When was the last time you kissed your spouse?” bracelets
We got these cute little bracelets from our church’s marriage group that said “Have you kissed your spouse today?” and it was the sweetest reminder! Life gets busy and a sweet 3 second pause to grab their face and put a surprise kiss on them will make all the difference in their day.
7. SNEAK IN ONE ON ONE TIME
Sometimes you don’t have that luxury of getting a baby sitter on the weekends or have the energy to go out to dinner during the week so sneak in a lunch date while the baby is still in daycare. I swear having Matthew work in the same city as me had us popping in to see each other for lunch every other week. We would hardly ever go “out” to eat but we would just enjoy our packed lunches together and it still felt like a date.
8. LET YOUR HUSBAND MAKE THE DAMN DINNER
I read Jancee Dunn’s How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids (If you didn’t already know from our IG stories when Matthew opened my package). She defines “Maternal Gatekeeping.” That’s when “You deliberately shut out your partner and there are so many different ways you can do this.
I found this INCREDIBLY relatable and opened my eyes to what I was doing as a partner.
9. THANK YOU, NEXT
We’ve argued once about not saying thank you. Sometimes you don’t realize that we are doing a million little things for each other and it’s important to address some gratitude towards each other once in awhile. It can look like you don’t appreciate them and you merely expect them to do those million little things. Plus: Gratitude enhances mental health, happiness, fends off illness AND improves sleep.
10. TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE.. OUTLOUD
Seriously guys, I’m the worst… I really do think he should read my mind. But he can’t. So don’t make him try, and then fail.
11. PAY (SLIGHTLY) LESS ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDS
Now this book right here… David Code – To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First: “Many emotionally lonely parents find themselves becoming too emotionally attached to their children often to the children’s detriment…The key is to recognize the difference between a healthy attachment to one’s child and an unhealthy ‘marriage’ to one’s child…Today’s children are more troubled because we’ve started marrying our kids instead of our spouses.” Call the babysitter…
12. DEEP CONVOS
When was the last time you had a deep connection with your spouse while playing a game? We were gifted the game Vertellis, and we loved it so much we had to share! It’s a game that encourages, reminiscing on great memories, dreaming about the future, and making plans… total relationship builder. Head to our Instagram to enter the giveaway! You can also get 15% off anything; use code: HOMEOFTHEHARVEYS15.
What kinds of marriage tips do you have?
P.S. Need more relationship fun? More about mom and dad?
